


Shout up.

by MissFenixx



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Self-Destruction, Silence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 11:12:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14768466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissFenixx/pseuds/MissFenixx
Summary: Just breath and shout up.Now let me tell you why they shouldn't know.





	Shout up.

Nobody cares.

You don't want them to care. You never did.

You want them to pretend everything's alright with you. Otherwise, they wouldn't know what to do and how to act around you, so they would try to behave like worried parents and that wouldn't be of help to anybody. In any case, you would all feel uncomfortable.

  
And, of course, there's the second possibility where they desist on trying the first one, knowing it would be useless, and just ignore what you just told them. And, even if you understand them and still think it's better than the first option, it hurts a little. It hurts as if they didn't care.

  
So, it's better if they don't know anything in the first place. Right?

  
You want them to care, to know, to embrace your sad reality, but you don't want their responses. So it doesn't really matter that much. After all, you got here all by yourself, didn't you? Why start talking now? I mean, they are your problems. You may as well deal with them and let the rest deal with their own. It's not as if they were always relying their little issues on you, isn't it? You don't want to be a bargain to them. So just shout up.

  
Nobody really wants to hear it. Nobody really wants to know. What would they do? Imagine your best friend just lets go something like that. I mean, you wouldn't know what to do, right? They won't either, so stop considering it. It's not right. It won't help. You just want to drag someone down with you.

And about the pshycologist? Didn't you already tried that? It takes lots of money and time, and it didn't really help, did it? The guy didn't really care, so it mustn't have been important. Really, he just sat and listened, making money out of your constantly moving tongue and puting up understanding faces. That's about it, isn't it? You're just a normal teenage prat with normal teenage prat issues. You aren't really in pain or anything. You just enjoy being the victim and complaining. You know it's up to you to get better; you just don't want to. You don't want to leave the Dead Poets Society, because if you do you won't be special anymore. You won't have anything special. Just a noisy kid with a happy life and no secrets. And that's boring, isn't it? You want to be broken, to be troubled. You want to keep being a part of something, even if nobody knows.

  
That is really selfish, so the least you could do is to keep it to yourself. Nobody needs to be charged with your fake pain. Nobody needs your self-mutilating ass to ask for help as if it couldn't get it by itself. As if it wasn't it the one causing it. So shout up and keep it to yourself. It's your fault. It's your stupidity the one ruling your life because you're unable to see yourself getting anywhere near true happiness. Everything seems so fake when it comes to good feelings. Fake happiness, fake joy, fake good life...

  
The only truth lays on the darkest feelings. Depression, self-mutilation, self-loathing... Emptiness. Those are the real ones, because they show the reality as hard and meaningless as it is. It doesn't cover it up with momentaneus orgasms that we create by closing our eyes to despair and masturbating on fake women we make up in our heads. But, if we want life to be meaningful, we need to close our eyes and do that. It's the only way out.

  
That's why you raher not to get out. You rather despair than fake. You rather live in the reality, no matter how shitty it is. So, if you chose that, stick to it and assume your life is gonna suck. And don't bring it to someone else pretending them to understand. They don't need to understand. The one who doesn't know the better it will live. So let them close their eyes, and you die. Unless you change your mind and decide that no matter how fake life is, it's the only thing we have so we might as well enjoy it a little. But that's up to you.

Don't be selfish. Other people have the right to make their own decisions. So shout up about your problems, your feelings. Nobody deserves to listen.

Nobody deserves to care.


End file.
